I have an acute case of senioritis. In less than two months, I will be graduating from college – that pertrifies me. School defines me, I`m not quite sure who I am without such a rigorous schedule. I’m not sure I really want to know either. In all honesty, I never, ever, thought this day would come. It arouses a sense of panic. Especially with the constant asking of, “Are you looking for a job?” and “What are you doing once you graduate?” I have a job. I have a job that I love, that makes me incredibly happy. What more could I ask for? Usually, I just respond that I`ll stay at the stationery store, take on another part-time job, until I can find a real job. But what I have is a real job. I don’t understand why I have to get a regular 9-5 job, where I’ll end up unhappy and unsatisfied. Maybe if I could find that perfect job, where creativity won’t be crushed, then I`ll consider a “real job.”
The worst is how some figure that if I don’t get a job in my field, then I`ve wasted 4 years of time, of money. If I’ve learned something, then I haven’t wasted my time. As for money? I haven’t had to pay a dime thanks to financial aid and scholarships.
All of these leads me to regrets. For the most part, I’ve tried not to do anything that I would later regret. Even though that means that sometimes I’ve played it safe, it works for me. But I do have some regrets. Mostly in regards to guys. I regret that I’ve stuck around in certain relationships as long as I did. That I’ve allowed myself to be told who I could hang out with, what I could or could not do. I’ve missed out on some amazing things thanks to that. I regret wasting time with someone who was just not emotionally stable, meaning that he threatened to kill himself many times. No one should have to put up with that. I regret not seeing my best friend as much as I want to, the same goes for my family.
The thing about making mistakes is that you learn from them. You learn to call your family more, just to chat. You learn to find ways to talk to your best friend. You learn not to get into toxic relationships. You grow, you evolve, you become better for it. At least, you hope so.
